Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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