Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
