well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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