Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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