went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
