This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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