Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
then he tried to convert me to islam
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
