its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Randomize
