Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
