dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my sisters under your porch take her home
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
