It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
