Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
