i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
