i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
