guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
