Whod you bang
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
