good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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