This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
