I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
