Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
