my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Fuck appropriateness.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
