Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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