Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
