I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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