i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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