I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
