I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
