so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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