I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize