That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize