Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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