and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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