if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
