It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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