After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm passing your future prison.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
