I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize