its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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