Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
