considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
