I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
