it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize