Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
