Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
