whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize