I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
