Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
