i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
