Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
