I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
