I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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