Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize