you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
