Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
