How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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