Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
