he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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