I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
