Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
