just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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