Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
