have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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