I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
