my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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