The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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