Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He felt like a one man threesome
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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