He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
