Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
