yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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