I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Farmville is her only friend.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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